Ever fantasize about arranging porn stars in compromising positions and prodding them with foreign objects? Enter Virtually Jenna, the sex sim that allows players to "manipulate" a computer-generated Jenna Jameson and her real-life friends. The resemblances aren't exactly striking (Beware virtual Jenna's freakish eyebrows!), and the repetitive voiceovers are a downer ("Play with me. Play with me."), but the simulated jiggle is right on. For those with distinguished tastes, there's even a "Pimp My Pussy" mode.
Players can interact with characters alone or in pairs, in a choice of rooms ranging from predictable to outrageous. Female characters also come with a wide range of kinky clothing options. But the game's beefiest feature is its toys: whips, butt-plugs, a rainbow of vibrators. Trouble is, things can get a bit absurd; beer bottles hover above nipples, disconnected penises float across the screen. Let's not even start on the double-sided tongue.
Virtually Jenna proclaims itself "the best fucking game ever." Unfortunately, the intercourse mechanic is just plain awkward. It's nearly impossible to simulate sex that doesn't look like a stabbing. The development team does issue regular updates, though, so maybe a better fucking game is on the way.
Beyond the game: Virtually Jenna wags a judgmental finger at homoeroticism. Girl-on-girl action is encouraged, but guy-on-guy is forbidden, as is playing with men. Not to mention the abominable selection of male clothes. And to make things worse, there's the matter of the cum shot: Girls can get coated, but the same substance refuses to stick to guys.
Worth playing for: The chance to watch two identical Jenna Jamesons (one blonde, one brunette), in full masquerade gear, going at it on top of a gold-plated piano in pseudo-Versailles. What are the odds?
Frustration sets in when: Swapping participants, or even just rooms, means exiting back to a main menu and sitting through yet another round of mind-numbing load times—enough to kill any player's mojo.
Final judgment: As masturbatory aids go, there's got to be something sexier you can do with $29.95 a month.