Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Girls Like To Look At Pink While Contacting The Dead

Men and women: They continue to be different. [pause for laughter, murmurings of agreement] Men are hunters, women be shoppin. Men are always like, "I am not asking for directions because there's a compass in my testicles," and women are always all like, "Let's ask for directions, please. My higher levels of estrogen tell me we're lost." [Pause for more laughter, shouts of "It's so true!"] Men buy things without regard to the color of the items, while women will only buy pink things, because pink hypnotizes all of the rods and cones in their adorable, stupid, girl eyes. [Hold for applause]

Thankfully, though, there's a company out there brave enough to tackle the differences between girls and boys—more specifically, the difference between the way boys play Ouija and the way girls play Ouija.  Because when men are pretending to contact the dead, they're all like, "Is there a ghost here?" while women are all like, "Who in this room is jealous of me?" Am I right?

According to Hasbro, yes. Behold Ouija For Girls:


From the Product Description:

It has always been mysterious. It has always been mystifying. And now the OUIJA Board is just for you, girl. With 72 fun questions included, you'll never run out of things to ask. Who will call/text me next? Will I be a famous actor someday? Who wishes they could trade places with me?

In case you're wondering, girl, about what makes this Ouija game different from other Ouija games, girl, besides the fact that the whole thing seems to have been dipped in Pepto Bismol and that it includes its own super sleek carrying case, Ouija For Girls comes with suggested questions. Why? Well, apparently girls can't be trusted to ask the right questions of the demons and spirits surrounding them at all times. Or, as one of the customer reviews put it:

This is the cutest board. The fact that they made a Ouija specifically for a girl makes it perfect.. Board is sturdy and includes 80 cards of questions in case you get stuck asking any particular question.  


OMG. It's true. Thinking up questions about your own life to ask the dead is hard! Sometimes you're at a slumber party, and someone brings out a Ouija board, and the only question you can think of is "Slom?" which isn't even a word or anything, and would probably just make the princess ghosts who float around waiting for someone to use a pink Ouija very, very angry if you asked it. And you don't want to get those princess ghosts angry, because when they're angry they just go around and punch sleeping girls right in the fallopian tubes, which, everybody knows, is how you get your first period. Yuck.

Obviously, it's much easier to use the question cards."Who will text me next?" "Who wishes they could trade places with me?" "How many calories am I burning off right now?" "How condescending is this Ouija For Girls game?" These are the questions that you want answered, girl!


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